The older I get, the more I find myself questioning one phrase we all love to celebrate:
“I’m self-made.”
It’s something we hear everywhere — in interviews, on LinkedIn posts, in startup success stories, and even in everyday conversations. People say it with pride. It sounds powerful, inspiring, almost heroic. The idea that someone built everything from scratch, with no help, no support, no shortcuts.
But lately, I’ve started wondering…
Is anyone truly self-made?
The more I observe real life and the people around me, the more complicated that idea becomes.
The Story We Love vs The Reality We Live
We all admire stories of people who “did it on their own.” There’s something deeply motivating about believing that pure hard work and determination are enough to get ahead in life. It gives us hope that if we just push hard enough, we’ll eventually make it too.
But if you look a little closer at most success stories, you start noticing something:
there’s usually support somewhere in the background.
Not always obvious.
Not always talked about.
But almost always there.
Sometimes it’s parents who paid for education or allowed someone to live at home rent-free while they figured things out.
Sometimes it’s a partner who handled the bills while someone built a business.
Sometimes it’s simply having a stable home, emotional support, or a safety net that makes failure less terrifying.
We celebrate the visible hard work — and rightly so.
But we rarely acknowledge the invisible support systems that made that hard work sustainable.
And that changes the narrative.
Support Doesn’t Cancel Hard Work
Let’s be clear: recognizing support doesn’t take away from anyone’s achievements.
Hard work still matters. Discipline matters. Consistency matters.
No amount of support can replace genuine effort and persistence.
But support does change something important:
the level of risk a person can afford to take.
When someone knows they have a cushion — financial or emotional — they can think long term. They can experiment. They can fail and try again without their entire life falling apart.
When you know that if things go wrong you won’t lose your home, your stability, or your sense of security, you move differently. You take bigger swings. You stay patient. You keep going.
On the other hand, when someone is living paycheck to paycheck with no backup, even small risks can feel dangerous. Every decision carries weight. Every mistake feels costly. Survival becomes the priority, not growth.
And that’s where the gap begins.
It’s not always about talent or intelligence.
Often, it’s about stability.
The Confidence That Comes From Having a Safety Net
One thing we don’t talk about enough is the psychological impact of support.
Knowing that someone has your back changes how you see the world. It gives you confidence. Not arrogance — just the quiet confidence that you’ll be okay even if things don’t work out immediately.
If failure doesn’t mean total collapse, you’re more willing to try again.
If you have a place to land during tough times, you’re more likely to pursue long-term goals.
If your basic needs are secure, you can focus on building something meaningful rather than just surviving.
Without that safety net, people often play it safe — not because they lack ambition, but because they can’t afford not to.
That’s why two people with equal talent and work ethic can end up in completely different places.
One had room to grow.
The other was busy trying to stay afloat.
The Pressure to Be “Completely Independent”
Modern culture glorifies extreme independence. We’re taught from a young age that needing help is weakness and that doing everything alone is strength. Social media reinforces this idea constantly — everyone wants to look self-sufficient, unstoppable, self-made.
But real life doesn’t work like that.
Human beings have always relied on communities, families, friendships, and partnerships. No one grows in isolation. Behind almost every successful individual is a network — sometimes visible, sometimes hidden — that made their journey possible.
The truth is, interdependence has always been part of progress.
We just don’t talk about it enough.
There’s nothing weak about needing support.
And there’s nothing dishonest about acknowledging the people and circumstances that helped you move forward.
In fact, it might be more honest.
So… Is Anyone Truly Self-Made?
Maybe a few people are.
There are always exceptions — people who rose from incredibly difficult circumstances with little to no support. Those stories are real, and they’re inspiring.
But they are also rare.
For most people, success is a combination of many things:
- Personal effort
- Timing and opportunity
- Access to resources
- Encouragement from others
- Financial or emotional support somewhere along the way
Acknowledging support doesn’t make success less impressive.
If anything, it makes it more human and more relatable.
It also reminds us of something important:
if support plays such a big role in success, then maybe one of the best things we can do is create that support for others whenever we can.
A Better Question to Ask
Maybe the goal shouldn’t be proving that we’re completely self-made.
Maybe instead of obsessing over being self-made, we should talk more about the kind of support that actually helps people grow.
Because if there’s one thing life keeps teaching me, it’s this:
getting ahead completely alone is incredibly rare.
So instead of asking whether anyone is truly self-made, maybe the better question is:
How can we create a world where fewer people have to struggle completely on their own?